My name is Nanziwe Daisy Mbatha and this is my story.
As a child, I have always been quick to react with anger and negative emotions with any situation but never expressed it in front of people. I would take everything to heart and internalized it. At the age of 11, I ran away from home for the first time and didn’t know that it was my way of seeking attention.
Years went by and my situation progressed. By the time I was in high school I had already tried to commit suicide twice, but this was in vain as whenever I was in the process of taking pills, someone would walk in. But I was never caught. I would hide it before they would see. I had so many emotions but never seemed to go through with it. By this time, I have already run away twice. After almost being caught twice, I found a new way of dealing with my emotions. By cutting myself. It made things feel a bit better, but it grew tiring as no one knew what I was going through at the time and having to have 2 personalities at the same time drained me! I kept doubting myself, speaking negative words over my life. I was so confused and angry at everything and anyone for not noticing how I was feeling until one day, I was approached by a teacher who signed me up to attend a Lifeline course. This is where I revealed the truth for the first time. It felt liberating. Even through this, I was still afraid to tell my family about what I was going through as I felt embarrassed.
In 2015 I started getting involved in a youth group at church which consisted of my cousins and my close friends. One day when we met up, we read up on a scripture about love. Everyone was sharing stories about love and acceptance and this is where I got the urge to share my story. They were all surprised as they weren’t expecting this as I always hid behind a happy face. My cousin was even more surprised as we lived in the same house and he never noticed. Others also started sharing their stories about having gone through the same struggles, but they had been too afraid to share because of the fear of being judged. After sharing our stories, it was as though a heavyweight has been lifted from our shoulders.
In that same year, I forgave and accepted myself for all the flaws I had. I forgave everyone else too. After doing this, I gained the courage to be open to my parents about all the things I was going through privately. I shared by writing them a letter about how I’ve been, how they contributed to me being that way and what they can do to help me. From then on, I have been able to be open and honest about everything in my life from my emotions to my sexuality which has allowed me not to have 2 personalities and accept that it’s okay to not always feel okay.
In 2018, I got selected by my MOT Coach to attend the Young MOTivators Education. During the 3 days, I’ve learned so much about myself and things that I can use in my daily life. MOT has helped me become a part of a big family that enables me to change people’s lives through my story and allowed me to always remember to be my true self. It made me realize that you need to continually work on bettering yourself. When I feel I am about to give in to my negative feelings, I always think about the conversations and tools that we learned at the Young MOTivators Education. I always try to see the positive in a negative situation.
I am proud to share my story as a Young MOTivator and I hope that my story will help you that is reading this feel comfortable to share their story as well.